Get a girl who cooks well, get a girl who takes care, get a girl who looks well make sure that 3 girls don't meet each girl.

Dad to son: when I beat you how do you control your anger?
Son: I start cleaning toilet.
Dad: how does that satisfy you?
Son: I clean with your tooth brush.

Don't be so proud that your boy/girl friend is always sending you cute and romantic sms Wait and think who is sending all that to him / her.

Maths teacher if you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to aruna, 3 to anitha and 4 to kavita then what will you get? Student: 3 new girlfriends.

A typical student flips a con and think.
Head- will go to sleep
Tail- will watch a movie
Stand- will listen music
Stays in air- I will study.

In the cruel world it's very difficult to find a friend with beautiful feelings, pure heart, smart personality and stylish looks so don't lose me.

American: do you know swimming?
Indian: no
American: dog is better than you, it swims
Indian: do you know swimming?
American: yes
Indian: then what's the difference between you and dog.

Argument between British and India.
British: we spoiled your mother land for 200 years.
India: we are spoiling your mother tongue daily.

A women had eight son all named peter. On asking how she managed to call one in particular, she answered: that's easy, I call them by their initials.

Seven America met me and they wanted to kill most intelligent person. I gave them your address. See how I fooled them and saved my own life.

Terror English:
1. there is no wind in the football.
2. The girl with the mirror (specs) comes here.
3. I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk?
4. You 3 of you stand together separately.
5. You go and understand the tree.

Judge: why are you arrested?
man: for shopping early.
Judge: well, that's not a crime. Anyway how early were you shopping?
man: before the shop opened.

If you read it, I am smart if you save it, you agree that I am smart if you forward it, you are spreading I am smart, if you delete it, you are jealous.

If a cow get affects in an earthquake what will it give instead of milk? Think milk shake.

man had twins he named Tara and Sitara, again twins he named Peter and Repeater, again twins he named Max and Climax, again twins finally he named Tired and Retired.

Boy to girl: I want to share everything with you, your sadness, your happy moments, girl: let us start with your bank account.

A British invested 2 lakhs in a business and suffered huge loss. Do you know what the business was? He opened a saloon in Punjab.

Smiling is the second best things you can do with your lips, of course, the first best things keeping them closed.

A man watching star movies, suddenly got up and searched the whole house finally sat down scratching his head.
Wife: why are you doing like this?
man: there is a secret camera in our home, else hoe will the TV guy say correctly that you are watching star movies.

man traveling 1st time in plane, going to Bangalore. While landing, he shouted 'Banglore Banglore" airhostess said: B silent. man: ok anglore anglore.

Dr.chopra, psychotherapist wanted his name to be painted in front of his clinic. Gave the work to a man He wrote like- Dr.chopra "psycho" the rapist.

A famous man declaration to media: I will never marry in my life and I will give same advice to my children also.

man wins 10 crores from lottery ticket. Dealer gave 7 crores after deducting tax. Angry man, give me 10 crores, otherwise give my 20 rupees back.

Interviewer: just imagine you are in 3rd floor, It caught fire, How will you escape?
man: it's very simple, I will stop my imagination.

man1: why are you running so fast?
man2: to deliver this letter urgently.
man1: where?
man2: no time to read the address.
man1: ok go fast.

When ever I miss you- I will read your sms. When ever I want to see you- I will just close my eyes. When ever I want to here your voice- I will throw stone on dog.

Happiest man is one whose daughter photo is on femina cover, Son on India today, girl friend on film fare and wife on missing column of newspaper.

Why boys spend so much time on much improving their looks and their minds? Because they know that girls are stupid, but not blind.

Another moon possible? Another sun possible? Another friend like you? Just impossible because manufacturing defects occur only once.

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't.

Wife: what do you like in me, my prety face or my sexy body? Husband: I like your sense of humor.

Smile is the gift given by god to us. So keep on smiling smiling smiling until you are admitted in a mental hospital.

A lover gives love, a father gives protection, a mother gives life but a real friend gives figure cell number.

Modern year: a newly born baby asks the nurse, do you have a mobile? Nurse: yes, I have, but why do you need mobile? Baby: to give missed call to god that I reached.

Best of craziness? Xerox a blank paper.
Best of stupidity? Look through a keyhole of glass door.
Best of honesty? Pregnant women gets one and half ticket in bus.
Best of suicide attempt? A dwarf jumps from the footpath on the road.
Best of joblessness? You read the whole sms.

Sweetest kiss- on the fore head,
Loveliest- on cheeks,
Most and the hottest kiss- on your vehicles silencer try it.

Wife: What will you give me if I successfully climb and reach the top of the great Mount Everest?
Husband: A gentle push.

Man1: Laughing behind man2 at ATM. Ha ha ha. I have seen your password.
man2: what is it?
man1: its 4 star (****).
man2: you are wrong, its 1234.

Love is sweet poison, lover is slow poison, wife is quick poison, but wife sister is good medicine.

Mistakes are not a crime, if you can rectify them; they are the key to success. Eg: good created you, so what? He rectified his mistakes by creating me.

Life is five star 1st star is sslc girl, 2nd star +2girl, 3rd star is college girl, 4th star is wife and top star is wife sister.

man lost his cheque book.
Bank: be careful, anyone can put your sign.
man: I am not a fool, I have already signed al the cheque.

Reaction of girls when they lost their purse: Poor girl- my money. Rich girl- my credit card. Sweet and pretty girl: oh god! Vinith Photo.

During marriage ceremony why is the man made to sit on the horse or in the car? Ans: god gives him a last chance to escape.

man essay on Indian cow: He is the cow. He has got four legs together. Two are forward and two afterwards. Its gives milk which comes from 4 taps attached to thee basement. Its motion is very useful, green color. It has tail situated in the backyard and has hair on it to frighten flies. Many use it as vehicle also.

Man removing two wheels from his car. Man: why are you removing wheels from your car? man: you stupid see the board, parking for two wheeler only.

Math's sir: a=b, b=c, a=c. prove this method with example. Student: sir, I love you. You love your daughter, so I love your daughter. Tats all sir.

Love is a life. Life is a wife. Wife is a knife. Knife is a cut to our freedom life.

Seven rules to be happy
1. Never hate.
2. Don't worry.
3. Live simple.
4. Expesct little.
5. Give a lot.
6. Always smile.
7. Tell my name 100 times daily.

What is peak of poverty? When miss universe is ready to kiss you for only 2 rupees and you have only 1.75 rupee.

Who was the first person to have a laptop? Guess its lord Shiva. Parvathi on lap and Ganga on top.

Wife to husband: did you have any girl friend before marriage? Husband: remains silent. Wife: what is the meaning for the silence? Husband: don't disturb while counting.

Please pass this message to all your friends. A poor baby needs 1. benze car. 2. Nokia n95. 3. Laptop. 4. $1,00,000. Please help this poor baby. Contact no. 1234567890.

Man: Last night I saw an English movie. It had no scenes or sound. Friend: what is the name of the movie? man: no disc.

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, small people talk about other people and the legends never talk they just send message like me.

Man calls Englishman for lunch, curd was served. Englishman asks what this is. man did not know English. He explains milk sleeping in night, morning become tight.

Secret of being young:
Sleep at the right time,
Study at the right things,
Speak the right ones,
Eat the right food and
Tell the wrong age.

What is confidence and over confidence? A 99 year old lady buy a one year sim card is confidence. Buying lifetime sim card that is over confidence.

Why fire engine red in color? Ans: fire engine has ladder. Ladder has steps. Steps are to be climbed on foot. Foot is to be measured by a ruler. Ruler can be a king or queen. Elizabeth is queen of England. Elizabeth is also the name of ship that sails on water. Water has fishes, it has fins, and the people of Finland are called fins. National flag of Finland is red. So fire engine is red in color. This is how we write exam answer in detail.

Once three turtles decided to go on a picnic: When they got there, they realize they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the snacks until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, two turtle said: oh come on let's eat the snacks, suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said: if you do like I won't go.

I like three things: Pizza, Pepsi and you. Pizza to eat, Pepsi to drink and you to pay the bill.

A man looking at an ice cube in sunlight for one hour someone ask him what are you doing? man replied: I am checking that from where it's leaking.

Man received a text message from his girl friend: I Miss you.
man replied I Mr. you.

Happy nite. Sarry I am pul tite, if thery is ani swelling fistake, then plz carrot it and eed. Plz don't fishtake me.

Dad: if you pass in the exam, I will present you one cycle.
Son: if I fail?
Dad: I will present 10 cycles.
Son: why?
Dad: to open cycle shop.

Touch your heart you will feel the rhythm of you heart beat. Touch your head; you will feel the rhythm of tapping an empty pot.

A pessimist sees the glass half empty, an optimist sees it half full, and the realist, just add whisky and say cheers.

An accident occurred, crowd gathered and a man reporter couldn't get in. the clever man cried, my father, the crowd made way for him, but what man saw there was a donkey.

You may have five reasons for not messaging me.
1. No time.
2. No free message.
3. No balance.
4. Network problem.
5. You are not daring enough to disturb a lion.

man: Every bone of my body is broken. Doctor: it's not possible. man: Any part of my body, I touch makes shout with pain, doctor examined and said you fool your finger is broken.

Lincoln studied by the fireplace, Mozart composed by candlelight, Galileo invented by the oil lamp light. Why did not these guys work in the day?

Can you give me Rs.2000 I will return it on next Sunday? Need it urgently help me please I know you have money. man taking with ATM machine.

Once a woodcutter went to the city, suddenly all the girls started following him. Guess why? The axe effect.

Today health tips. Don't eat pizza, pani poori, chicken fried rice, ice cream with out me.

A man gave his mobile to his friend and said; please send a sms to my girl friend, because my hand writing is very bad.

Doctor to child: have you ever broken a bone. Yes. Was it painful? No. which bone did you breaks? My little sisters arm.

Whenever you feel like studying, just sit down, relax, take a deep breath, and then slap yourself sand say, rascal what is this new habit.

Teacher: name an animal which lives in land and water.
Student: frog.
Teacher: good, now name 3 such animals.
Student: frog mom, frog dad and frog sister.

World first and short joke: a girl loves a boy very sincerely.

Have a good day; if you don't have good day no problem, they are many other brands like 50-50, milk bikis, tiger, hide and seek, try them and enjoy.

Why Indian is in trouble? Population of 100 crore -
9 crore retired.
25 crore in school.
1 crore are under 5 years.
10 crore are unemployed.
35 crore in state government.
18 crore in central government (who don't work)
1.2 Crore you can find anytime in hospital.
Statistics says you can find 79, 99,998 people in jail.
Rest two are are you and me. You are wasting your time with your mobile. How can I handle India alone?

When nights are long, when friends are far, I usually sit by my window and think of you with silent tears. I always wish you be here, near me to hit these mosquitoes.

8 Things students do during study holidays: 1.Sleeping
2.Eating
3.Sms
4.chatting
5.TV6Roaming
7.Dreaming of touching books
8.Asking others wt about your studies.

A famous writer said love is like a sweet long dream and marriage is an alarm clock, so have sweet dreams till your alarm wakes up you.

Some times when I cry none see my tears, when I am worried none see my pain, when I am happy none see my smile, but when I talking with one girl all of them are seeing me only.

Laziness is our biggest enemy- Jawaharlal Nehru. We should learn to love our enemies-Mahatma Gandhi.

My lovely friend, I want to meet you, I want to talk with you, I want to spend time with you, but this stupid gate keeper saying zoo closed.

Never reject a girl in Ur life; because good girl gives us happiness& bad girls give us experience, both are essential to life, so enjoy every girl.

Two eyes are best friends. Both will blink together, move, cry, see and sleep together. But if they see a girl only one will blink.

U knows the meaning for "ABCDEFG"-? A Boy Can Do Everything For Girls. Reverse the letters "GFEDCBA"-? Girls forgot everything done & Catch new Boy Again!

Fall in river, there is always a boat. Fall in well, there is always a rope. But don't fall in love, there is no hope. Cheers to all SINGLES.

At marriage function old people used to pull my cheeks and say "you are the next" now they stopped it. You know why? I started doing the same thing at funerals (death function)

Who is true Indian guess guess. the one who's sitting on a western toilet in Indian style.

Friendship is like passing urine in your own pant others can only see it, but only you can feel it gradually spreading and enjoy its warmth. If you don't believe try it.

Best dialogues to propose:
1.Excuse me do you have a Band-Aid because I scrapped my knee when I fell in love with you.
2. How cum you are not tired? You have been running through my mind all day.
3. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again.
4. Excuse me do you have a map because I am lost in your eyes.

American psychological survey recently confirmed that- if you are a mental, you will be holding this phone in your right hand. Don't try to change your hand.

My nights are becoming sleepless, my days are becoming useless. Is this love... god said: idiot, your semester exams are coming.

Try this its fun. remember a number between 1 to 9, now add 5 to it, now multiply by 7, add 5 and subtract 3, add 25. Add its digit. Now forgot all and continue your work.

I love "u" seriously I love "u" I don't know how it happened to me but I love "u" not only "u" I love "v" "w" "x" and all the letter.

Always keep your lovers photo in your pocket whenever you are in some big trouble see the photo you will feel that no other problem is bigger than this,

Friendship is a sea. Friends are fishes. You are my golden fish. I will keep you safe; if you try to go away from me I will fry you mind it.

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