Height of technical overdose: a software engineer falling from the roof of a building and shouting F1 F1 F1 instead HELP HELP HELP.

Peak of optimism: interviewer: if earth starts rotating 30 times faster than now. What will happen? Candidate: we will get salary daily.

An error shown by a computer: no key board connected. Press F5 to continue.

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says: I will allow one wish each. So the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. And he was gone. Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted: I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktail and he was also gone. The boss calmly said: I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35 pm.

Girls don’t like to study much, why? Because they know that in some corner of the world atlast one fool is studying for them and their future.

A tiger was giving love success party to his friends.
A cat came there and danced.
Tiger asked who are you?
Cat said: I was also a tiger before I fell in love.

A single spelling mistake that caused a divorce. A man went to goa and sent an msg to his wife: having the most amazing and wonderful time. Wish you were her.

A modern wife is one who knows her husband favorite dishes and the restaurants that serves them.

Very good story: A king and his queen went for a long morning walk. Let them come back; I will tell you the remaining story.

Six things boys do in exam hall.
1. Counting no of girls.
2. Sighting the lady supervisor.
3. Counting how many windows and doors.
4. Seeing the brand name of pen.
5. Feelings for wasting yesterday night by not studying.
6. Think to study well at least for next exam.

A kid after being beaten up by his mom was sitting out.
Dad: what happened son:
kid: I can’t adjust with your wife anymore I want my wife.

When man’s wife died he changed his name to Rajesh B.A (bachelor again). He got married again. Guess his new name? Rajesh M.A (married again).

When you fall in love, there is no power to stop you. Only two powers can stop you.
1. Mom’s chappal
2.dad belt.

Normal lover. Boy: shall I touch your boobs? Girl: stupid.
Mentos lover: shall I feel your heartbeat? Girl: ya.. come dear.

In life, there are 5 perfect things you should never lose. 1. Patience 2. Self respect 3. hope4. Heart 5. Well, you know my name rite?

Beggar: donate me some food. House owner: my wife is not here, come afterwards. Beggar: I asked food only, not your wife.

Definition of laziness: I will tell you tomorrow.

Boy: hey don’t send forward message to me.
Girl: sorry, I added your number in my friend list, that’s why. After few days.
Boy: I love you.
Girl: what?
Boy: hey am extremely sorry, I added your number in my lover list, that’s why.

Boy: my girlfriend broke with me and sent me picture of her with her new boyfriend.
FRIEND: REALLY bad, what did you do?
Boy: I sent them to her dad.

Whenever anyone says something bad to you, don't cry. Remember it takes 49 muscles to cry and 12 muscles to smile but only 6 muscles to lift your middle finger.

Dad: see neighbor's girl, she has scored 90 percent.
Son: seeing her only I failed dad.

A famous wake up and inspiring call: don't stay in bed for long, only prostitutes make money there.

Newton's third law: to every twist in the question paper, there is an equal and opposite twist in the answer given by the students.

Child: god, please we don't want 3rd world war.
God: do you love your country. Child:no ia am weak in history.

In London airport a pilot was dismissed for reading a book that book name is how to become a pilot in 30 days?

On a married guy t-shirt. All women are idiots and I married their queen.

What's the difference between talents and intelligence? Getting up early in the morning daily is talent. Not trying such nonsense thing is intelligence.

History teacher asked: kalidas had one brother who used to make shoes. What was his name?
Student: Adidas.

In this job we need someone who's responsible.
Applicant: I am the one you need. On my last job, when anything went wrong.

Difference between friend and lover: You can tell your friend, you are my best friend, but do have courage to tell your lover, you are my best lover.

A man with a gun goes into bank and demands their money. Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks did you see me rob this bank? The man replies yes sir; I did the robber then shot him in the temper, killing him instantly. He then turned to a couple standing and asks did you see me rob this bank? The man replies no, but my wife did.

Hi today my sim cards birthday if you habit of giving gifts, just recharge to my number and bless it.

Waking up at 9, having breakfast, watching TV, full meals, 3 hours sleeping, then snacks, again TV or computer, then dinner and long sleep. These beautiful days are knows as study holidays.

World shortest resignation letter.
To manager;
respected sir: I love your wife.

I am sure you will not judge the climax.
Mom: son get up, it's time to go to college.
Son: na ma, I don't want to go to college.
Mom: give me reason why don't want to go to college.
Son: 1. all students hate me.
2. All staffs hate me.
Mom: that's not a reason. Some on you must go to college.
Son: two reasons why I should go to college.
Mom: 1. Your 52 years old.
2. You are the principal of the college.

A man silence can break a woman heart into thousand pieces while a woman silence can give a man a thousand moments of peace.

Dad: who is your role model?
Son: gandhiji.
Dad: great, why?
Son: he married at the age of 13.

Newton's 1st law: Every book counties to be in a state of rest or covered with dust until internal or external exam appears.

Dad: who is your role model?
Son: gandhiji.
Dad: great, why?
Son: he married at the age of 13.

Don't ever postpone today work till tomorrow, it can be done even the day after tomorrow.

Girl: I can't marry you.
Give my love letters back.
Next day boy gave her a big basket and said, find out yours from these and take.

The first kiss of lover is equal to the first puff of the cigarette, because both are the beginning for ending life.

When there's confusion between your heart and mind, just eat bingo. No confusion great combination.

Who do you think is the laziest inventor of all times? It's the guy who invented the snooze in an alarm.

Wife: I hate the beggar who came yesterday.
Husband: why?
Wife: I have him food yesterday and today he gifted me a book. How to cook.

If future, how do I identify your kids in a room? It's simple. I will check who is erasing their notes, when teacher is cleaning the black board.

I want to share everything with you, your problem, your happy moments, and your sorrow. Every second of the day. Let's start with your ATM password.

If we were born knowing everything. What would we do with all this time on the planet? Be proud to say. I don't know.

A bird was disturbing a man all the time finally the man caught it and decides to kill it cruelly. He took it to the top of a building and dropped it.

There are two rules for success:
1. never tell everything you know.
2. I can't say 2nd rule, because I am following 1st rule.

Three things should not be asked.
1. A man wage.
2. A woman age.
3. A student percentage. It's really hurts.

I have u ever thought while sleeping what if the fan breaks and falls on you, or the legs of your bed breaks, or there a lizard under your pillow or a green snake goes into your room or a cockroach goes into your mouth or a ghost catches your hand while closing the window.

My rules 1. I am always right. 2. Just in case I am wrong see rule number 1.

How will a terrorist's son tell to his dad when he fails in his exam? Dad they questioned me for 3 hours, but I never told them anything.

Studies have shown that majority of college student suffer from intense pain of lower jaw. This is due to uncontrolled excessive yawning during lecture.

Once the great Alexander saw a small child playing with a lion. He surrendered his sword at the Childs feet. Now the child has grown up and sending you sms.

Whats gutz? Coming home late at night in friends bike and mom waiting outside with broomstick to beat. You ask, hi mummy are you still cleaning house?

Deep in a forest. Girl: if you try to kiss me, I will shout. Boy: but there is no one for miles from here? Girl: ya, I know nut I should do my formality.

On a rock near temple, it was written: god never fails, a college student write below it: ask him to write university exams.

A man says I love you to his girl friend and suddenly falls on the floor.
Girlfriend: what is this?
Man: I am falling in love.

A girl removed her jeans, threw at her boyfriend and said make me feel like your wife, boy also removed his jeans, threw at the girl and said wash both the jeans.

To be a good professional always start to study late for exams, because it teaches how to manage time and tackle emergencies.

Fools read my sms. Idiots forward my sms. Monkeys delete y sms. Donkeys save my sms. Mad people edit my sms. Beggars send it to me again.

Using steam power James watt invented steam engine. In India, using same steam power our grandmother invented idly. Think different, be Indian.

The night was dark, the moon was high, boy stopped his bike. girl asked him why he came close to her, she felt shy. He went near to her, he wanted to say something, but he thought she won't believe it and finally told her those two words "no petrol".

COLLEGE
C- comes.
O- On.
L- Lets.
L- Love.
E- each.
G- girl.
E- Equally.

Yesterday I decided to commit suicide. I went near the railways track at the tome I felt my mobile vibrate, it was an msg from you, after I read it, I decide to live. You are really an inspiration for me. When useless people like you are still alive why I should I die.

Today is international handsome boys and beautiful girl's day, so send this message to someone who looks smart and cute. Be true, don't cheat like me.

Today a phone without wire is in fashion. One day will come when human without brain will be fashion. On that day dear you will rock.

How does a lazy person take bath? They stand in front of the mirror and throw the water on the mirror.

Women sitting on a park bench.
Beggar: hi darling lets have some fun.
Women angrily: how dare you.
Beggar: then what are you doing on my bed?

Police: are you married?
Man: yes I am married with girl.
Police: of course all will be married with girl.
Man: no, my sister marries with a boy.

A man once went to restaurant where slippers or shoes weren't allowed. He was afraid that someone might steal his shoes so he left a notice. Don't try to steal my shoes- boxing champion. When he came back he found his shoes missing. Instead there was a notice don't try to catch me- campaign in running.

Non smoker: I hate cigarette.
Smoker: me too, that's why I am burning it.

Husband and his wife drinking hot coffee at a cafe.
Husband: Drink fast.
Wife: Why?
Husband: Look at board, hot coffee-rs.5, and cold coffee- rs.20.

Wife: whenever we keep the money our son steals it, I don't know what to do about it.
Husband: keep it in his books. I know he will never touch.

A man attended biology practical exam.
Examiner: identify the bird name by its legs.
Man: I don't know.
Examiner: you fail, what's your name?
Man: see my leg and my name.

Don't take your troubles and worries to bed, but many people still sleep with their wife.

One day man asked god, what's the difference between your love and my love?
God smiled and replied, a fish in water is my love and a fish in plate is your love.

A boy goes to see a cabare dance.
His mom gets angry and asks him: did you see anything there that you were not supposed to see?
Boy: yes, I saw dad.

A woman entered the house with a duck in her hand where her drunken husband was sitting.
Husband: why are you bringing that big into the house?
Wife: can't you see? Its not pig it's a duck.
Husband: sorry I am talking to that duck.

A thief was leaving the house; the child woke up and said to the thief: take my school bag also; else I will wake up my mom.

Mom, are our neighbors very poor?
Mom: no why?
Because that made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin.

Only once in your life you will get a right person with whom you will get married, so till then keep on sighting the wrong ones.

Define seminar?
Seminar is defined as a process in which one person spoil his sleep for one night in an effort to make others to sleep.

Man1: whats difference between poetry and essay?
Man2: every word said by girlfriend is poetry. Anything said by wife is an essay.

Son do you smoke?
Son: no, dad.
Father: son do you drink?
Son: no, dad.
Father: do you tease girls?
Son: no.
Father: So you don't have any bird habit?
Son: only one dad, I never tell truth.

Many years have passed,
Million of tomorrow gone,
But still the hope remains an all the student that
we will study tomorrow.

Man1: I sent love letters to my girl friend everyday for 3 years.
Man2: what happened?
Man1: she married the postman.

Man1: I just had a narrow escape, a bus went over me.
Man2: how did you escape then?
Man1: luckily I was standing under flyover.

Soul1: how did you die?
Soul2: due to cold, you?
Soul1: I doubted my wife with a man and searched my house found none, felt guilty and commit suicide.
Soul2: I was in fridge.

When your life is in darkness, pray to god ask him to free you from darkness. Even after you pray if you are still in darkness, pay the Electricity bill.

Boy1: why are you laughing?
Boy2: my dad beat me with his belt as I failed in exam.
Boy1: what's there to laugh about that?
Boy2: his pant fell down when he removed the belt.

Definition of laziness: it's a talent of taking rest before you got tired.

When a black cat falls down, what will be the white cat say? Don't think like a scientist it will only say meow.

I pretend to study here because they pretend to teach me.

Smaller things hurt more in life than bigger one. You can sit on the top of the mountain, but you can't sit on the tip of the needle.

To be is to do- Socrates. To do id to be- Plato now the best of all do be do be do- Scooby doo.

Life is hot- live it, anger is bad- dump it, fear is awful-face it, memories are sweet-cherish it, sender is smart- accept it.

Extreme height of laziness: Thief1: let us count the money that we have ribbed today at bank.
Thief2: oh! No, I am so tired, we will see in news.

Speaking snakes found in America. One person asked "who is your president? The snake replies bussh.

Judge: do you accept that you stole the money from him?
Man: no my lord, he only gave me.
Judge: when did he give you?
Man: when I showed him the knife.

In rape case. Judge: you are fined Rs.11420 and 5 years. Rapist: why my lord exactly Rs.11420? Judge: Rs.10000 for rape 4% vat and 10.2% entertainment tax.

Father: what were the two hardest things you learnt in the college?
Son: opening beer bottle with teeth and lighting cigarettes only I match left in heavy wind.

Man celebrating 60th birthday. Guest: what's this bulb in place of candle? man: it's difficult to put 60 candles on cake, so I put this 60 watts bulb.

Get a girl who cooks well, get a girl who takes care, get a girl who looks well make sure that 3 girls don't meet each girl.

Dad to son: when I beat you how do you control your anger?
Son: I start cleaning toilet.
Dad: how does that satisfy you?
Son: I clean with your tooth brush.

Don't be so proud that your boy/girl friend is always sending you cute and romantic sms Wait and think who is sending all that to him / her.

Maths teacher if you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to aruna, 3 to anitha and 4 to kavita then what will you get? Student: 3 new girlfriends.

A typical student flips a con and think.
Head- will go to sleep
Tail- will watch a movie
Stand- will listen music
Stays in air- I will study.

In the cruel world it's very difficult to find a friend with beautiful feelings, pure heart, smart personality and stylish looks so don't lose me.

American: do you know swimming?
Indian: no
American: dog is better than you, it swims
Indian: do you know swimming?
American: yes
Indian: then what's the difference between you and dog.

Argument between British and India.
British: we spoiled your mother land for 200 years.
India: we are spoiling your mother tongue daily.

A women had eight son all named peter. On asking how she managed to call one in particular, she answered: that's easy, I call them by their initials.

Seven America met me and they wanted to kill most intelligent person. I gave them your address. See how I fooled them and saved my own life.

Terror English:
1. there is no wind in the football.
2. The girl with the mirror (specs) comes here.
3. I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk?
4. You 3 of you stand together separately.
5. You go and understand the tree.

Judge: why are you arrested?
man: for shopping early.
Judge: well, that's not a crime. Anyway how early were you shopping?
man: before the shop opened.

If you read it, I am smart if you save it, you agree that I am smart if you forward it, you are spreading I am smart, if you delete it, you are jealous.

If a cow get affects in an earthquake what will it give instead of milk? Think milk shake.

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